i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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