i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
