Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Randomize
