just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
