I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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