everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Never underestimate the power of titties
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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