Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
My ass is underappreciated
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
