i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
