This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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