I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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