are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Watching her eat just hurts me
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
