But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I won't apologize to a one balled man
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
