Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
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