I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
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