Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
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