Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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