i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
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