she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
