yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Your cock deserves a montage
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Randomize
