Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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