end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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