The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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