I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
