So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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