we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
