Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize
