I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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