i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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