dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
