ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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