In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
