i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Threesome in a minivan. New low
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Randomize
