Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
