I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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