dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
