I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
