very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
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