i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
