you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
