i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
