your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
