Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Yo dont text me then not text me
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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