Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Randomize
