I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
