Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
