dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Randomize
