hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
