The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
