Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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