I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Bring me that man meat
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
