Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
