The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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